It's dark outside on Halloween

It's dark outside

yet no goblins knock on the door.

there is candy in a bowl, the light is on

but not a single ghost appears in the doorway

it's dark outside

not a single mother's flashlight bobbing

along the sidewalk

it's quiet outside, no noisy teenagers,

not a single child, or mother or father.

What a lonely Halloween.

Friends in the fall of our lives

we talked of such things, of the number of good years

remaining, of joints and pains, of regrets....

of the extent of free will vs the inevitable.

it was a beautiful fall day; the golden leaves

rustled in the trees, we descended with great care

the steep stairs to the river, where we shared our

peanut butter and apples, bananas and crackers,

now-thawed Swiss cheese, decidely not worse for the wear.

and wine.

and as we climbed from the canyon, we wavered a bit

struck by our slightly-drunken wobble, the wine 

having made the sunshine ever so slightly stronger,

the trail ever so slightly more challenging.

Growing a lawn

for the grandchildren, I want a small patch of lawn.

we roughen the soil,

pull the stubborn weeds that tolerate drought,

finally broadcasting seed through the old metal colander.

I'm teaching her how to garden, this young woman,

to lay burlap over the seed and water it in.

next spring, she will come with her rabbit

and they will sit on the grass, her rabbit

will lounge in the dense green grass.

electric short

first

a black screen, nothing but

miles of road, tire pressure rising

the heat, the sun, 

then

flashing numbers and letters,

"no key" and frightfully cold

the range and trip A confused and blinking

intermittent electrical short

heat and light, sun, the

whirr of tires on the road

finding calm. 

Mon amie, Cecile

I loved the leaves, and I want her panniers

We talked of many things, no words unspoken

of loss and love, of life,

little ones who have grown big,

still annoying.

I love Cecile, I love her bike, 

I want it and her basket up front,

the home made accessories, but mostly I

want to bask in the light of her smile.

what endures

I look like my brother, the one who leads by 3 years

the same grey, wrinkles, the lopsided jowl, the 

nose that tells my age even though I don't know why.

but the eyes!  the eyes are alive!

the crooked smile, the mischievous look!

these will endure as long as we walk 

on this blessed Earth.

Random word #4: Lonely

 

It's the theme of my life, this loneliness that seems to part of my genetic code

passed down from grandmother to mother to me, I see her in her pale blue dress

lying on her back, cigarette smoke slowly curling upward

and

my mother sitting on the backyard with her dissertation materials,

only jumping to attention when Marc hit his head on the concrete pad.

I didn't exist

which is perhaps why lonliness is in my genes, but also in 

my experience.

Random word #3: Sugar

 

Sugar baby, I love you, too, honey, in that

hot and sweet coffee, rich and dark, sugar baby, in my cookies and cakes

sugar baby, the hummingbirds love you they whir around the feeder

while I look on, sugar baby, not the fake stuff, only the sweet granules 

that tell my body I'm sweet, too, sugar baby, I'm sweet too.