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Every night he coughs at the same moment that the cork pops off the bottle of Cognac;  I know he is pouring himself one tall shot.

We're reading two different books after I told him I hated John Grisham and he looked hurt.

Besides, three days after I started it, I was done because I skimmed the whole thing

after the fourth page.

I pleaded the fifth when he demanded to know if I really thought the writing was abysmal.

He has no less than six pairs of gloves, all missing left hands, so

when I rush into the cold at 7 am with the dog, I am glad I have my own.

I ate the whole piece of pie and didn't tell him because

on July 9th when he starts the bike tour which climbs 5000 feet per day

He will wish he had lost those 10 pounds.