the taste of cigarette

long ago we laid in each other's arms

I remember he smoked and he would reach for 

a cigarette afterwards

I liked the sour taste of cigarette in his mouth

 it reminded me of another love who smoked,

a young man raising himself, working bowling alleys,

how he smoked while we drove around together

late at night.

I was raising myself.

my mother was so absent

he was there.

and so, somehow the taste of a cigarette in 

my lover's mouth meant safety

I never realized this until tonight, some 37

years later.

I don't need that anymore.