I was happy

when I heard the news of her pregnancy,

while watching her belly swell week after week,

I could laugh at the walking watermelon on legs.

I was happy, excited, to hold him shortly

after his arrival and watch him grow.

I was happy then, before we realized

that I would never watch him grow,

that I would never rock him to sleep

in my arms, or watch him suckle at 

his mother's breast, or ...do anything

with us, here on this earth.

I was happy back then, excited.

Now in the shadow of grief, I 

find pockets of happiness, of holding

Mira in my arms, her heaviness

as she sleeps on my chest, of

watching her with her parents.

This makes me happy, now.