Fearful to Bossy

she wanted to be carried,

looking from high up on my shoulder, to

make sure the dog wasn't there, that scary dog.

the black one with a grey nose, Bella, 

the one that she didn't even notice a couple 

years ago.

and then

and then

treats thrown onto the couch

and then

and then,  more, and a laugh

and then, she's bossing the poor dog around

and she looks at us helplessly, poor Bella,

to ask what she did wrong.

Of course, I'll go back

I'll go back to get myself this T-shirt,

a few others, printed in a small dusty office

in Oakam, Dakar, with a machine purchased

with ten dollar bills that spew from my 

computer monitor several times per hour.

I'll go back to Dakar to get this T-shirt,

and others, to smell the fish in the market,

to swim in the sea and drink ateya 

with dark men, only their teeth gleaming

at dusk, we laughed, and we will laugh again.

Yes, I'll go back to get myself this T-shirt

and a new dress; I'll jump on the back of a

motorcycle and dart between cars, my eyes

closed and praying

I'll go back and get myself this T-shirt, to eat

che bu jeun in small restaurants and I'll wonder

how I could think that I would never go back.

Of course, I'll go back. 

Circle of Fifths

somewhat distracted by his bow tie

I admit to understanding his clipped delivery

the C to the G to the D and around and round

the sequence of sharps and flats, all in following 

the fifths, not the ones we know from the street, 

nor the grade where we girls rolled up our 

waistbands, but the count up the scale, 

metered and steady, with one or two or three...

or even five flats or sharps, or 

his bow tie seemed to wink at me, it was pink today

and pink is happy. 

Chocolate heals all

Make that croissant a chocolate one,

not plain.

let the chocolate coat our tongues, let

the flakes fall across our laps and onto the patio

and then, let's lick our fingers covered in chocolate,

wipe chocolate from our faces

and feel all the sweetness

fill our hearts.

How to break my heart

you opened the door

our eyes met and you turned away

"she's shy right now" her mother said

what happened to that the one

who filled every crack in my fragmented

soul, that she would turn away

tomorrow is another day

another night of sleep

our eyes will meet and maybe

you will run to me and throw

yourself into my arms, and 

maybe not.

Give a man a boat and let him eat fish

above them

unseen,

a little boy travels the seas

of Senegal,

under clear skies

he sees them.

I'm sure.

the men, the fish, the laughter

and smiles, happiness

to blanket the grief that 

hovers over me.

Let them bee

I wondered how 

a bee can carry so much pollen on her legs

and the sun passed over me in the sky

when another bee arrived

and I wondered how two bees

could be so different

so I watched the little one gather

pollen on his legs, a him because of his

long antenna (I just read that)

and as the sun disappeared behind the

hills, I watched a parade of bees on this flower

and that, the other one, the purple one,

and a Spinx Moth arrived to suck nectar

from the phlox

and I wondered at nature

how beautiful she is.

Oh how quickly I forget

 

oh how quickly I forgot about the

The Agreement.  To write every day,

about the bottle of whiskey on the breakfast table,

the red glow of the hummingbird feeder and

the chirping of the chickadees thrashing in the bushes.

It will be hot today, the laundry will be too dry

to take down, the flowers will wilt and the bees

will fly that much slower from one precious flower

to the next.

Perhaps the grasshopper on my blouse

disturbed the winds of memory.

At the cash register at Sprouts, Boulder, CO

 She carefully placed her small number of 

grocery items on the conveyer belt

and waited, an older woman, heavyset

with thick ankles and salt and pepper hair

A young Asian cashier greeted her, as they all do

but she looked away without changing expression.

Did she want a bag?  he asked.

She stared back, with a blank, but unfriendly gaze

I admit that I started to smile a bit inside

at this total lack of communication.

He rang up the groceries

and as I would have predicted, she slowly

removed her worn wallet from her purse 

and counted out the cash, carefully adding 

a penny so as to make the least amount of change.

And, of course, this confused the young man

- we don't do that anymore

He slowly started placing the groceries in a

double bag, when she looked up and said

No

taking each of her small number of items back

into her cart and shuffled away.

Revisit: How to be Happy

Run in grass

Smell worm

Paw the grass

Gently, so as not to damage the worm,

pull it out on to the grass

and roll, roll, roll

wiggling that scent onto head

feet spiraling in joyful circles

in the sky

The way I see it

the way I see it,

this table convinced me to divorce him

the blue and pink squares never met after all

these glasses looked at the flowers in a new way

baking alone in the sun looking for home

even without them, my dreams remind me

that I'm not ready yet, back then it was time

rose colored glasses distorted my vision

cataracts may cloud it

I may not see

the finch and chickadee chirp in the mock orange

every morning, 

but I hear them.