vertigo

 we are not meant to be in a spinning world,

having never noticed the fine structure of the gym floor,

i now notice that the speckles are circles of color.

and the ceiling lights, suspended above me are spinning

at an alarming rate, but the struts hold.

My stomach protests and I call out weakly,

without wanting to make a fuss and try to turn

towards the floor, to force it to stop spinning

My face is burning, my stomach wanting to retch

this is vertigo. 

one moment, thinking about how hard my workout will be, 

the next, knowing that there will be none.

the one moment, thinking about how to always stay busy in the beloved flow zone,

the next, knowing that it's not possible and that when the world

stops spinning, I will have to stop, too, 

and tolerate that state of "not doing"

There is no choice.